Christian Marriage Questions and Answers
When we have a question about something, where do we go? Do we search the internet, ask a friend, or lean on our own intuition? As Christians, we get to go to the Lord with our questions.
When we put our faith in Him, we no longer have to rely on our own understanding as our ultimate authority. He is the Creator of all. He is our Father, and He knows what is best.
When it comes to marriage, the same is true. As followers of Jesus, we must be actively seeking His will and pursuing His ways.
Like most things, it is easy to fall into what our culture deems as normal and miss the big idea. It’s easy to make it about us and miss the larger purpose the Lord has in store for us.
In this post, we will dive into some of the bigger questions when it comes to Christian marriage. May this bless you, encourage you to keep asking, and inspire you to continue to seek after Him.
What is a Christian Marriage?
This is a question I had to find the answer to myself. It’s so important for us to grasp. Without a proper understanding, we are subject to our own ideas and miss the Lord in it all.
As a new Christian, I ruled-out marriage, assuming it was a thing of the world. To me, it looked like two people trying to fill a hole inside themselves with one another. It seemed messy and selfish.
Boy, was I wrong!
God designed it, so we must strive to understand His purpose for it. We need not look beyond His word. Unless we are able to see marriage through this lens and forsake all others, we will miss the mark.
Genesis 2:18 reminds us that God is the Creator of marriage. It is His, and it is good when done in a way that pleases Him.
Reading the Bible, we can get great insight into what a godly marriage is.
Key Features of a Christian Marriage
- One man and one woman become one flesh. Marriage is God’s design for a man and a woman to leave their families, hold fast to one another, and become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).
- Marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church. Christian marriage points beyond the husband and wife to the relationship between Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:31–32).
- A husband loves his wife as Christ loves the Church. A Christian husband is called to love his wife sacrificially, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25).
- A wife respects and submits to her husband out of reverence for Christ. Biblical submission is ultimately an act of obedience to and reverence for Christ, lived out within the marriage relationship (Ephesians 5:22–24, 33).
- Marriage calls both husband and wife to die to themselves and serve one another in love and humility. Christian marriage is not ultimately about getting our own way or having our needs perfectly met. It calls both spouses to lay down selfishness, serve the other, and pursue Christlikeness. In this way, marriage can become a living demonstration of the self-denying love we see in Christ. Jesus calls His followers to deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow Him (Luke 9:23).
What Does it Mean to Be One Flesh?
The idea of becoming “one flesh” is a prevalent one in the Bible. The first time we see it is in the Old Testament,
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
We see this same idea repeated a few other times in the New Testament, in Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:8, Ephesians 5:31, and 1 Corinthians 6:16… there must be something to it.
Bible Study Tips
The Bible was written in two main languages, Hebrew and Greek. These two languages have words that have different meanings than ours, so looking back at the original language is essential to understanding the original intent.
Although the Bible was written for our instruction and belief (Romans 15:4, John 20:31), there are specific audiences it was written to at the time. So, understanding the original context, audience, author, and language can help us become better students of His Word and help our understanding.
Becoming One Flesh
When we go to the Hebrew text of Genesis 2:24 text, we see the phrase “hold fast to” used to describe the Hebrew word dāḇaq, meaning: to cling, stick, stay close, cleave, keep close, stick to, stick with, follow closely, join to, overtake, catch.
The Gesenius’ Hebrew-Chaldee Lexicon describes this as “To cleave, to adhere, specially firmly, as with glue.”
The word “one” truly means one, singular in the original language.
The word “flesh” (i.e., bāśār) refers to the body, kin, and mankind.
When we put this all together, we see that becoming “one flesh” is more than simply sharing a home or having a romantic relationship. Marriage involves two people covenantally joining their lives together—clinging to one another, becoming family, and living as one. It is a profound union that God designed for marriage.
This is amazing, described by Paul as a “mystery” (Ephesians 5:32) as he compares it with the union between Christ and the church.
What Does Christian Marriage Represent?
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:31-32).
The covenantal union between a husband and wife illustrates the covenantal union between Christ and His bride, the Church. Paul even tells the Corinthian church that he “betrothed you [the church] to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ” (2 Corinthians 11:2).
Again in Ephesians 5:25-28, Paul says “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
Marriage teaches us about Christ’s covenantal relationship with His Church through sacrificial love, self-giving, tender care, and reverence for Christ.
What About Sex Before Marriage?
We need not look beyond God’s word:
- Hebrews 13:4
- 1 Corinthians 6:18
- 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8:
- 1 Corinthians 7:2
Sexual intimacy is a profound expression of the one-flesh union God designed for marriage. Scripture treats sexual intimacy as something uniquely belonging within the marriage covenant, which is why is is valued highly and even compared to to union of Christ and the church.
Sex outside of marriage is consistently warned against. It is important to note that God creates these boundaries for our protection and flourishing. He is a loving Father.
The question is not “how close can we get,” but rather “how holy can we be?”
Paul says that when we have this type of relationship outside of marriage, we “sin… against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18).
This “marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous” (Hebrews 13:4). It’s worthy of great reverence and should be protected and valued.
I talked a little more about this in my post on Christian Dating: A Guide to Pursuing Biblical Marriage.
Roles in Christian Marriage
Scripture teaches that men and women are equal in dignity and value before God while giving husbands and wives distinct responsibilities within marriage. These roles are not about superiority or inferiority, but about reflecting God’s design for marriage.
I explore biblical womanhood and manhood more deeply in these posts: …
What Is A Godly Woman and Wife: Biblical Womanhood
What Is a Godly Man? A Biblical Guide to Biblical Manhood and What to Look for in a Husband
Marriage Is One Context God Uses for Our Sanctification
Marriage isn’t the ultimate goal of the Christian life… Christ is. But God can use marriage to sanctify us, teach us to love sacrificially, expose our selfishness, and help us become more like Christ.
The book, The Meaning of Marriage beautifully articulates God’s design for marriage. You can get the free e-book here. I highly recommend this book for an in-depth scriptural view on what marriage is. Here are just a few takeaways:
- The gospel helps us understand marriage, and marriage helps us understand the gospel
- Marriage shows the depth and beauty of the gospel, makes you press in, and gives you a greater understanding, all of which leads to a deeper union between the Lord and one another. It “is a major vehicle for the gospel’s remaking of your heart from the inside out”
- “The merciful commitment strengthens us to see the truth about ourselves and repent. The conviction and repentance moves us to cling to and rest in God’s mercy and grace. The hard times of marriage drive us to experience more of this transforming love of God…The gospel can fill our hearts with God’s love so that you can handle it when your spouse fails to love you as he or she should”
- This frees us to see our state as it is—constantly in need of the redemptive work of Christ yet being loved through it all, knowing this demonstration of unconditional love leads to further purification and encouragement for all involved, revealing the power of the gospel.
- We were made for marriage, and marriage was made for us (Genesis 1 + 2). Sin (Genesis 3) adds a level of complication, but the gospel offers a solution.
- Do for your spouse what Christ did for you; mutual sacrifice > mutual fulfillment of God’s purpose
Final Encouragement on Christian Marriage
While marriage is a gift, we must avoid the lie that one’s fulfillment is in marriage and family. This comes from God alone. These are avenues He uses for us to accomplish the work of loving (1 John 4:20), sanctification (Proverbs 27:17), and disciple-making (Matthew 28:19), but they are not our everything. Our life, love, and mission come from the Lord. It’s an honor to partner with another person as we mission together for the Kingdom of God and make our way to the throne.
Most of all, we must love Jesus above all else, even one another. This love is the foundation.
